why Thailand?

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

ok the fact is I dont take my bath yet is  really disgusting .

 xpe husband jauh. muahaha. dang.

less than a month I m going to bangkok to settle all the things there.

some people asking me, why bangkok? u got offered to go to US and germany but y choose thailand?

Ok, I want to clarify this thing. In life we have to choose. And our choice will be the best depends on how we react to it.

for example, kau rasa boyf kau terbaik sebab kau respond dia sebagai yang terbaik walhal bagi orang lain he is not the best for you. this is how we actually respond to our situation.

kita yang bina suasana rite? bukan suasana yang bina kita.

I told you earlier, I cannot live in comfort zone. Since I was graduated from UPM I never feel any comfort zone inside and outside. Abah was and still sick, got married, Seek for better jobs and many more.But it doesnt mean hati tak tenang. itu lain cerita.

Ia bukanlah aku mengeluh tapi mmg hidup ni tak boleh just sit back and relax. This is my fate I guess. Alhamdulilah, aku bersyukur atas kurniaanNya.

ok back to the topic. why thailand? ada orang buat muka. eeyuw, why so near, Thailand is not safe for god sake. why?

ok let me story,

because I m scholars from UiTM, I have to go through many procedures including 2-3 times presentations and short course. during the presentation they will tell us kita bole pegi negara mana. and while searching for which country you want to go, ada jugak certain country /supervisor yang tak respond, walhal at the same time you are running out of time because scholarship ni ada due date.

at first, I feel down, but being me, saya cuma akan cerita pada mak, atau pun kakak, or my husband. 3 manusia paling rapat.

my mum is my great motivator, dia tak pernah cakap apa-apa buruk. the abah just smile. tak pernah cakap apa2 pun. buruk pun tidak, memuji melambung pun tidak. dia tahu, I ve done so many things alone. I dont want to say I am independent.  Bongkak nama nya. I am not tp most of the time, I am alone doing anything.

nk g german husband kena ikut. bapak jauh. unfortunately he wont have visa to work there. kesian masa depan my husband. 

nk g US, kene amik GRE, oh Dear Allah, I am running out of time.

and after I ask my former lecturer yang sgt menjadi pujaan hati ni, He suggested for me to go to Thai.

after that ade sedikit ujian, and lepas suami merestui , ibu bapa merestui baik in law atau kandung. everything just masuk semula landasan dia.

dan aku harap landasan ini akan kekal sehingga aku dapat tengok mak ayah, suami, adik beradik senyum bila aku naik pentas amik scroll.

AMIN!

tlg doakan aku yang serba kekurangan, pandai tidak, genius pun tidak tapi aku bergantung pada kuasa Allah. semoga Allah beriku kekuatan. 

AMIN!

pandai

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

bila kita rasa serba kurang,

serba tak pandai,

otomatik kita jadi rendah diri.

yela, tak luak pun kalau rendah diri. 

sama ada betul kita pandai atau tidak,

ilmu cuma pinjaman Allah pada kita.

tak kisah lah pandai dalam hubungan ke, pandai dalam hidup (ade ke?)

good day every one!

mulut

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

I agree, sometimes, we people, esp. girls kan, kalau org cakap hal buruk sikit mudah melenting.

masa awal perkahwinan, I heard some body kutuk my husband.

biasala, cakap- cakap orang. It's not kutuk yang teruk-teruk. kutuk ringan-ringan. ala-ala junk food while mengumpat . gittew.

at first, I feel like want to slap that smelly mouth and tell that person 'how dare kau mengutuk my beloved husband'.. but it just my imagination.

and I m not that brave either. muahahaha.

at first, rasa marah tu meluap-luap.

then, aku fikir-fikir sejenak, kenapa harus aku layan mulut-mulut orang? sedangkan orang yang mengata pun tak bagi impak pada aku. lain la dia siblings aku ke, parents aku ke. ptt jgk nak amik pot kan.

then second day, I still feel angry towards that person.

tapi today, I completely feel nothing..yelah, orang bercakap like they know everybody and they are always right.. 

I have my own mission in my life, buang nya masa kalau aku sakit hati pada benda sekecil ni sdgkan org yg mengata x affected pon.

:) owh..... this is life~

gambar

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

hey ya!

since I was young. my sister n mummy always keep their eyes on me. 

eventhough I am a married woman, they still treat me like a kid, I guess. ngahaha.

alkisahnya, what ever I posted on fb wall, my sister sometimes did not agree with it.

dulu-dulu, couple je, post gmbo boyfie awwwww~ cuwit sgt.

but my sister didnt like the way I expressed myself that time.

so we had different opinion, ye lah she is 6 years older than me. 

at that time, I never know that post everything, every pic with a guy who is not your mahram bukan saja berdose, malah tak manis.

bru bercinta kannn.

so, selepas beberapa tahun, I feel ashamed to myself. now, saya cuba paksa untuk letak kami berdua, I mean, eventho he is my mahram now, sy rasa malu wajah2 kami jd tatapan.

maksud di sini gmbar manje la noks. setakat gambo kahwin tu takdela kan, kateeee kahwin kene war2. kite war2 la kejap. pastu takde dah. ngahahaaha. nnt muntah org tgok gmbar ngko senahhh.

haihs, but it's ok, ini satu level kehidupan yang lain,

yang dikenali sebagai privacy :)

good progress

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

yessza, I m coming back yaw. not with the sad mode anymore.

today, I am pretty good with everyone around. yes, family support is just a miracle to me.

they know, aku ni stok lembik lembik sikit. and they are just very caring.

especially my mother and sister.

It really makes me feel that I m not left alone by the husband errr. tapi dia nak cri rezeki kann.

my sister and my mother talk about marriage more than before with me, teach me how to deal with it.

make me feel motivated actually.

semalam, when I got back from mother in law's house, I cried in front of my mother.

guess what she did?

gosok-gosok belakang ni cakap jangan sedih.

hehe, I really thank to Allah for those people who exist in my life. They are still there for me. ups and downs. nampak mcm annoying kan duk berendam air mata sbb suami tinggal.

seriously, this is my first time, I got no experiences with firdaus lama-lama macam ni. I am sorry if I annoyed anyone with this overmanje feeling. aku rasa sebelum ni aku tak manja mcm ni sgt kot.

yes marriage is beautiful eventho my marriage is not a fabulous marriage. I got sponsors, I got discount and so on to make it happen, after all, this is a fate from Allah.

Thank you dear husband, I owe you many things. I should say this because now he is the one yang menadah bahu kiri, tanggung dosa diri ini.

the same thing my parents do before I got married. I respect them, and I want to respect my husband too.

I really love him, like I do to my parents.

marriage is beautiful, we cannot say it by words. But it really is.

p/s: my husband, if you read this, I would like to tell you how you are trying very much to be a good husband. Thank you so much. you may not be perfect, but your try make me feel grateful to Allah.

Alhamdulilah, and  missing you....

a start

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

hari ni husband dah balik labuan. gittew. ok sila tukar mode sedih sebab blog owner tgh sedih.

frankly speaking, I never thought after kami kahwin, the feeling is a total different compared to before kahwin.

ingat kan same je*dushdushdush*

yela, sebab kami mana biasa duk dekat lama-lama. maksud saya stay satu tempat same2. sebab bila sy di UPM, die di trganu bla bla bla.

of course, I wont let this become one of my problem anyway..

but husband is husband.

he told me,

-saya lihat awak sebagai rezeki dari Allah yang dtg dalam hidup saya.

hmm sometimes, I wonder, this guy, is not a romantic type sume but I love to remember dia punya pesan.

bukan bermaksud diri ini obsessive, tp it is one way to reduce the pain inside my heart while he is not around.

in this 2 weeks, pegi mana-mana semua same2, makan, lepak, tgok cerita.. that's why terkesan sgt..

feeling gloomy.but still, daus wont tolerate if I cry, dia akan diam je. cannot expect ada org pujuk ke apa.sebab daus tak suka share sgt bila dia rasa sedih same, atau rasa tak selesa...

tapi bila dapat msg die kejap tadi,

I continue crying...

"saya rasa blur je dunia, sebab isteri saya tak ada.. i miss her"

Ya Allah... make me strong..... this is just a start.

study

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

ape kabau sume orang? 

free beno gaye idup aku bole update blog hari-hari plak. haha. xdela, arini suamiku pergi main futsal, so, malam ni takde geng nak ajak gaduh. 

kadang-kadang fikir nervous jgk eh nk smbung study balik. back to basic katenye.

moral support, Insya Allah okey. dulu utamakan parents, skarang daus la jwb nya. so far both parents n daus bg permission dan sokongan.

semoga dipermudahkan ye ayu ! :D

11 hari

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

after a very long pause, hari ni dapat jugak aku tulis blog. gittew.

while my husband is sleeping and berdengkur-ing besides me, so aku bole la buat keje-keje sambilan.

dia stok tak suke aku main internet masa dia ade, so cam x selesa sgt. fokus pada dia katenye. jom muntah berjemaah. tp dia baik, jangan riso. kihkih

dah 11 hari pun hidup bersama, merajuk dah ada rekod dh. tp so far, die still mcm zmn2 couple dlu. that's why aku ckp kt mak, tak rse sgt kawen sbb daus still mcm dlu. maksudnya still tak perlu amik berat sgt die nak makan ape, kadang2 cepat je die amik sndirik nasik sbb tau aku kene masak.

Alhamdulilah setakat ni.

cuma, aku rse tenang betul. ye la , bila dh kahwin ni berjemaah solat sama-sama. bercerita, susah same2 sbb g jalan2 due org je jauh2. x biase kan sebelum ni jalan jauh same2. honeymoon kt pahang je pon tp dh name first time mmg jakun la budak brdua. hahaha. siap tnye sijil nikah dh bawak ke belom.

perasaan tu rasa indah jugak la. cume ade certain2 benda kite kene follow guidelines. mcm pergi umah mertua, kene buat air, layan tetamu sume.. aku kan cam kureng sket bab2 cmtu. so I ve learnt lots of thing about that.

aku bersyukur jgk, daus jenis x kisah aku masak apa. sume die bantai, kes nya jd gemuk sbb melantak sume makanan. aku sgt happy bile die makan banyak2 yg aku masak. 

dia pun banyak pesan, walaupn dh kahwin, kene jaga tatasusila, jodoh milik Allah jd tak boleh jd riak, kene bersederhana setiap masa. dan suami ni adalah jambatan kita untuk menuju Allah S.W.T.

dan2 je ttiap ari aku mintak maaf , nak masuk syurga kannnnn.

Insya Allah :)