I let you go, forever.

ASSALAMUALAIKUM

that day, during Ramadhan, september 2008.

I clearly remember. the baju kurung I wore.

the lecture hall I was in.

I got a msg - " I am breaking up with you"

that was the hardest moment I felt in life.

my bf that time left me after few days we fought and never discuss.never.

I didnt know what is the real reason why he left. Eventhough, things happened after 5 years. I can still feel the pain inside my heart. 

not because I still love him, tapi, I can still happen to feel the pain.

that day, selera nak berbuka hilang, I just drink plain water. no foods. at all.

I just slept on my bed, while my roomates break fast all together.

I have no idea what should I do. Should I go for him? yes? no?

I nearly wanted to take pills. to ease everything inside my head.

I told him (so stupid of me) , I was taking pills and I wanted to die. he just replied - dont do it.

that night I called his mom, telling her, I cannot accept him leaving me. yes, I did a mistake.

while talking to his mom, phone ran out of credit. then terputus macam tu aje.

his mom felt very shocked that time. not knowing anak dia ada gf.

yes, I took me half year to heal everything. to stop crying.

aku merayu like a crazy girl, please dont let me go. but he didnt say a word.

I told him, please remember all the kind things I have done to you.

then he replied - I never ask you to do that.

yes, I was suffer before. and today I accept it dengan hati yang terbuka.

this is how I learnt to love with self respect. this guy is now a teacher. got a new gf.

and, the memory, the pain is still with me. 

and now, 1 month left before I am getting married to someone who taught me,

how to forget and forgive.